If they can learn how to please or placate those in power, this can help them navigate a volatile and unpredictable environment more safely. It becomes a survival strategy, allowing them to anticipate and mitigate potential conflicts or emotional outbursts from their narcissistic parent, thereby reducing the risk of emotional or even physical harm. This adaptive behavior may persist into adulthood, shaping their approach to all narcissistic alcoholic mother relationships as they seek to maintain harmony and avoid confrontation at all costs. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.
- Although NPD can’t be cured, someone with NPD can change their behavior if they’re willing to put in the time and effort, according to research from 2018.
- They are taught to believe that they are the problem, leading to a deep-rooted sense of guilt and self-blame.
- It’s important to remember that while your past has shaped you, it doesn’t define you.
You Don’t Outgrow the Effects of an Alcoholic Parent
According to a study by the National Association of Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), there are over 11 million children in the U.S. under the age of 18 living in families with at least one alcoholic parent. The statistics provided by multiple sources further break this down to about 76 million adults in the country who have lived or are currently living with a family history of alcoholism. When you grow up in a home with one or more alcoholic parents, the impact of the dysfunction reverberates throughout your life. It’s natural for parents to feel a little disappointed if you take a different path — but they should still respect and accept your decision.
Alcoholism has a lasting impact on children.
In other words, if your mother has narcissistic defenses, she may have experienced narcissistic abuse from a parent in her childhood. What’s more, her behavior may trigger unhelpful defense mechanisms in you and any siblings you have, causing a cycle of intergenerational trauma. Hoping to maintain a relationship with a parent who has traits of narcissism? Strong boundaries and a good support system can help protect your emotional health. It can be difficult to set boundaries, especially with a parent. Again, working with a mental health professional and leaning on support from others can help.
Did your mother consistently see you as a threat, gaslight you, or treat you as an extension of herself growing up? Rather than taking on the responsibilities of being an authority figure and parent, she parentifies her own children, making them feel obligated to cater to her arbitrary desires and expectations. She violates her childrens basic needs for privacy and autonomy, demanding to know every facet of their lives. She might enter their rooms without knocking, read their diaries, and interrogate them constantly about their friends or romantic partners. She keeps her children in a state of perpetual childhood by punishing them for growing up whether that means moving out of the house, getting married, going on a date or becoming aware of their sexuality.
This can lead to long-term mental health challenges for their daughters. Yes, it’s sometimes possible to reconnect with a narcissistic parent. However, be realistic with your own expectations and aware of your parent’s limitations. It’s unlikely that your parent’s behavior will have changed, so you will need to set your own criteria for how and if to reconnect. Being raised by a narcissistic mother can have different impacts on your mental health. Healing from these effects can take different forms, depending on your goals.
You struggle with setting boundaries
If the narcissistic mother has histrionic tendencies, she may even seduce the friends of her children to demonstrate her superiority over her younger competition. It is not uncommon for two mental health conditions to co-exist (referred to as a comorbidity). The occurrence of two such conditions is called a dual diagnosis or co-occurring disorders. This propensity towards self-blame and guilt is another trait that many women raised by narcissistic mothers share.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. By educating yourself, you can also educate them about what AUD and NPD are about. You can take them with you to your next appointment to talk with your healthcare provider. Similarly, using alcohol doesn’t mean a person with NPD has AUD, even if there have been incidents of extreme intoxication.
Despite her efforts to assert her boundaries and advocate for herself, she was met with dismissal and disdain, further eroding her sense of self-worth. As a result, Brielle found herself trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships, seeking validation and love in all the wrong places. As Brielle entered her teenage years, the emotional abuse intensified.
At the end of the day, only you can decide whether or not you want to maintain a relationship with your parent. Whether you lean on a therapist, friends and family members, or others who survived a similar upbringing, support can prove immensely helpful on your journey to healing. Examples include the raisedbynarcissists subreddit and the Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents support group. While you may feel tempted to defend yourself or fight back when your parent makes upsetting accusations or statements, Derhally strongly recommends refusing to engage — often called the grey rock method. Narcissistic parents may have a strong sense of entitlement and find it difficult to empathize with your needs.
“This eventually translates into you becoming someone who always wants to cater other people’s needs, even if you don’t owe them anything,” says Maurya. She notes that this can lead to future relationship failures or low self-esteem. According to Maurya, this belief stems from having a mother who only provides you with love and approval if you do what she wants.
If you think you have either or both conditions, it’s best to talk with a mental health professional for a diagnosis. Traits like narcissism and personality disorders like NPD are long-standing. In order to have a diagnosis of NPD, they’ll have to consistently show the relevant symptoms over a period of many years. You could start by exploring peer support groups like Al-Anon that help families and loved ones living with people with AUD.